He's your man

The sombre, Canadian version of a singing telegram. Yes! It's Cohen-a-grams.

Lobsteriffic

So the last time I bought foundation, an anti-aging product was recommended to me. Thinking that more is, well, more, I picked up a glycolic acid moisturizer to improve tone and texture.

And I used it on my face last night, and today, my face itches and burns. It's also red and blotchy, because I believe I've given myself a chemical burn. So I look like a lobster.

Apparently this is why vanity falls under the deadly sin of pride.

Oh a further note, I think this whole dressing your kids and dogs up like lobsters is really rad, but I hate it when they put them in pots.
And it's even creepier to put them on the stove.
So the moral of this story is, don't take things too far. Gradually phase in toxic chemical compounds that promise to be a fountain of youth, and for the love of god, dress your creatures up like lobsters, but, like, don't shove them in cooking implements. That's why they eat our shoes. And pee in them.

Fruit craving

Spending $6 on a tiny bunch of grapes that are probably covered in toxic pesticides and were probably grown and picked by workers who are treated terribly - is this madness? No, this is Sparta!

Actually, it's not really Sparta either, I'm just trying to justify it to myself.

Never!!!!

special occasion

Today is new bra day. It is also the day I discovered I have back fat.

I'm not in right now, so leave a message

A Dutch artist has set up a call-in line where you can leave a message for god. I'm sure some of you have some things you'd like to say.

I call dibs on why do bad things happen to good people.

You can read more here

Call, 06-4424-4901 (or +316-4424-4901 if you are outside the Netherlands). The answering service starts March 7.