You're so middle class

So I have two favourite games to play with friends.

The first is the "That's what I'm going to get you for your wedding" game. I can't take credit for it. M. and A. used to play it. But here's the idea: when you see something horrible, like a taxidermied weasel or a purse shaped like a small dog, or a raspberry liquor in a pig shaped bottle, you turn to your friend and say. "I'm getting you two of those for your wedding."

The second is "you're so middle class."

This grew out of trying to make a stupid argument about why being a vegetarian is not working class into a fun game. So here's the way it works. You might look around my living room and say "you're so middle class, you're upset that the 2" x 4" that holds up that corner of the ceiling is pine and not oak."

or

"You're so middle class, you only dumpster dive fair trade coffee."

or

"You're so middle class, you prefer your water to be boiled in individual pots on the stove, instead of paying your water heater bill."

I don't know if any of those things are actually funny, but they make me a little less bitter. And I'd like to give you something a little less bitter, two doses of it, for your wedding.

Seriously,

So today I pay off my debt to get my account unlocked and rid myself of this horrible collection agency forever. As as added bonus, I can now qualify to receive university transcripts I cannot afford, and can dream of one day embarking on a new degree in labour studies, which I also can probably not afford.

And when the people at the bank had helped to fix everything up, the woman says to me

"So you must feel better now."

And I sez to the lady, I sez

"Actually I feel kind of bitter."

And she looks so, so, crestfallen, maybe, like her whole life's work is resolving debts and activating bank accounts, it's what she was put on earth to do, so I sez

"Although everyone at the bank has been very helpful."

It's true, they were.

I thought you might enjoy this

This song is so macho, but I love it anyway. And maybe love really is all about cars.



And it's a little late, this song reminds me of Easter anyway



This is seriously the last one. You should all be Kate Bush fans. But don't even bother with the records. Her videos and interpretive dance are critical to your enjoyment.

Roxanne!

Did you ever notice that Sting has some serious issues with women? Like, listen to this stuff. Every breath you take, Sting, another one of us will not be buying your records.

Which is too bad, because Message in a Bottle is a song that truly rocks.

And the other thing that rocks, is Rock Band. I could play that game all day. Although I cannot sing Roxanne, because my voice is too low. Like, if my voice were a pair of shoes, they would be concrete ones, because it sinks so low.

As a child, I remember being disappointed at being seated beside the soprano section of the choir, being the only 7 year old who had to sing the alto part. Because the heroine is always a soprano, and the villain sings lower. It's true. Just think about Mary Magdalene in Jesus Christ Superstar.

So let's celebrate this moment of musical disappointment by listening for free:

Spring cleaning of the mind and house

In our math lesson for today, we learn that the age of your house is correlated to the amount of cleaning time it takes to make it look half decent.

That is, in a new house, you can clean for 15 minutes and it sparkles. In an old house, say one that is over 100 years old, ahem, you can go at it for hours and hardly do any good.

Although if you change the blanket on your couch that keeps the dog hair off to a light coloured one, you will see that your baby is becoming a wee bit incontinent. This will require more cleaning.

Am realizing quickly that my job outside of house cleaning requires quick thinking and new approaches this spring. Good thing the iron supplement is making me energetic and capable. You learn something new every day. And fortunately, in only about one out of seven days does someone get so agitated in speaking to you that spittle flies from their mouth into your eye.

I will now resume training with Brain Age 2, and hope it is actually making me quicker and smarter.

Supplication to hair lightening gods

Holy Mother,
who art in heaven somewhere looking after me,
help my hair to survive its intense lightening process
after years of being dyed dark
and help me to afford the stripping and processing necessary
to become blonde like marilyn monroe
and give some shit to whoever it is up there
who is adding to your workload
by making me a brunette
and holy mother,
send an angel to ensure the cotton does not slip from my forehead
causing chemical burns or blindness
and help me to tip the people generously
who scrub and cut my hair
and lead me not into the temptation of being a redhead
but deliver me into highlights
amen.

And the genie says, you have three wishes

So first, I wish for an end to poverty and then I wish for health and happiness for my family, and then I wish I were a dog, so I could fall in love with this guy


Awwwww.

Someone stole my cat

And made him into this here statue. Now that's a Maneki Neko.

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream....

Are you ever so tired that you lie in your bed and you think all your cells are vibrating and you can't even focus your eyes to read, but in no way can you sleep?

I think this state of tired is also known as being a woman.

Elements

"Titanium is the hardest metal known to humankind, except for Dragon Force."
-anon.

Wikipedia, I heart you

Articles this week:

-operation wetback
-bracero progam
-cesar chavez day
-Maneki Neko (the cat statues you see in restaurants and businesses)

So I have learned at least four things this week. Mostly importantly, I learned that Cesar Chavez, famed organizer of farm workers, was a vegetarian.

Wait, I learned eight things. The other four are:

-a collection agency can indeed freeze your bank account and take all your money. It is no fun when this happens. They will do this right before a holiday and not send you the paperwork for a week so you can't figure it out.

-When pashmina scarves are insanely discounted, you can make a lot of people happy.

-I can make blondies, which are like brownies, but they have no chocolate. So I put a raspberry and chocolate layer to make up for it.

-Some people hate unions. and when they tell you that, their heads will spin around and vomit will spew from their mouths and the hellmouth will open. Then you'll just go on break because hey, you're unionized.

And as an added bonus, rock band is one of the greatest technological achievements of our time.

Keep on rockin' in the free world.

working nine to five

Only in special workplaces will someone tell you you're not asserting yourself, and then yell at you when you do.

Ahem.

Okay, just one more

Long time, no blog

March 2nd, you must have all thought I was dead.

I am not, and I wish you a happy long weekend.

If you ever want to look at what magic can be made with flour, sugar, and a piping bag, check out this rad cupcake blog. They inspire me more and more.

Ha!

I hope those two stay wrinkly forever.

Research

Articles for this week

-capsicum (peppers)
-black pepper (used as a form of money )
-pariah dog
-Judy Darcy

Yeah, that's all I got to.

This last few days have been all about spring cleaning. So my hours are occupied by moving furniture around, mopping, and trying to decide which clothes fit and which ones don't.

The St. Vincent de Paul five minutes from here is about to get a couple of garbage bags full of wearables, video tapes and other things that can be rehomed as part of erinn's de-clutter mania.

Now if only they will trade me some bookshelves....