How do you know?

If you've ever doubted that an animal has a mind or a soul, well, I'm sure this story isn't that convincing, but it makes me feel better.

I'm not sure how Abby made the connection that blanket = sleeping and therefore = not going for a walk just yet, but it happened on Sunday.

Sunday is the day we walk in the woods near the park. But I wanted to lie down for a few extra minutes after she ate.

She finished her breakfast, walked over to where I lay on the couch, sat down and whimpered. And then stared at me, and finally, in a gesture that surprised me so much I laughed out loud, grabbed my blanket in her mouth and pulled it onto the floor.

So we went. And her back was better, so it was fun.

Today her back is messed up again and she is shuffling like an elderly lady. I am so sick that by turns I can type and make tea, and feel human for half an hour, and then it is too difficult to raise my head so I lay down, not thinking or sleeping or looking at anything, just lying there.

So we are sick together. And we both understand it would be kindest to let the soft, warm blankets stay where they are - under her, and on top of me.

If it ain't broke,

Then it probably ain't mine.

My dog's back was broke. Well, actually it just kind of gave out below her ribcage. So she spent a couple of days hauling herself around with her front legs.

My heart was broken. But then she started looking a bit better. We went to the vet as soon as we could, just to be sure. She's fine, just fine.

Now I'm broke, but only financially. Vets are a thing I have to plan for. Now that it's over, I can concentrate on other stuff. Maybe I'll do some work...

Oh, my laptop's broken. It says I should push ctrl-alt-del to make it start. It won't start. So let's just cry, and maybe make some cookies.

Except the hand-mixer is broken. So no cookies. Eat olives out of the can instead.

I'm going to take a shower, watch the national, and go to bed. If anything else around here breaks, you'll hear my screams from wherever it is that you lay your head.

Weekend away

After a (much too brief) visit to Montreal, I feel a bit better. I got to see M. and have a belated xmas with her. I also got to indulge in the eating of amazing foods and the visiting of amazing cathedrals.

Although now I feel a deep yearning to go back, but this time I should really take along the family and all my belongings.

But for the family that didn't get to be with me, I lit a lamp for you here:

Yes, this is completely a real place and not my imagination. Not my pictures, either, since I didn't have a camera. But here's another image (plagiarists of the world, unite!)

The eating of bagels will now resume.

Fucking right

I just want to say, and I don't say this often, I think I was really good at the bargaining table today.

Things are looking up.

Live your life as a champion

As much as I was anti-sport in my younger years, I'm becoming fairly pro-sport.

A lot of this has to do with Muhammed Ali. You should hear the things this guy's said. Like:

"The service you do for others is rent you pay for the time you spend here on earth."

He also said

"I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.'"

Right now, the training I have to do is about being more capable of standing up for myself. I've usually tried my best to stand up for others. I have the great privilege of doing this for a living. I do it through my journalism and activism, that's the whole point of being a trade unionist, and try to do it in my personal life.

But when I am undermined, threatened or compromised, I diffuse, de-escalate, allow people easy ways out where they feel no accountability or responsibility.

The idea of undoing this seems so overwhelming, I'm not sure where to start. Having taken a week off from boxing, during the distress that followed being professionally discredited, betrayed and undermined, I guess going back to class would be a good start.

Ali also said:

"At home I am a nice guy: but I don't want the world to know. Humble people, I've found, don't get very far."

Happy Birthday to me

The good: calls and emails from family, friends and wellwishers (in that they wish me no particular harm). A very thoughtful gift from the family. Practicing punching and finally understanding things. Delicious tacos. An extra long walk with Abby.

The bad: Spending half the day on a termination grievance. Hearing something shitty that was said about me. Getting my period. Preparing for negotiations on Wednesday.

Am thinking about calling off birthdays. Actually just the latter 50%.

Thanks everyone - it was nice of you to remember. It means a lot that people care about me. Or that they are acknowledging me, and not causing me any particular strife. Either one would be a-okay.

Eat these things

Seriously buy the PC Porcini mushroom tortelloni. Fucking awesome.

Eye of the Tiger

Today, at my first day of boxing class, I learned that this is a sport that hurts, even when you are not getting hit.

Actually, I don't get hit. In beginner class, you hits pads or bags or the air. I believe this is called "shadow boxing".

Remarkably, there are muscles in my body that after 25 years of life, have never been used. These are the ones that are screaming when I move, and that have burned for about ten hours.

So in my orientation group, made up of four people, I felt perplexed that I was the only one who had questions. And the only one who could not completely understand a right hook in thirty seconds. Or rapidly fire off random sequences of punches that are identified by numbers 1 through 4.

And the only one who was completely winded after forty minutes.

Fortunately I have a day, also known as my birthday, to recover before I have to go back.

As someone who has always despised physical activity, I feel compelled to succeed. Like, crazily driven to perfect a jab. Yes, someone who has never hit anything or anyone has spent all day thinking about how to maybe get some more speed behind her fist.

But I guess that if you want something, you work for it. And usually it hurts.